55

This morning I woke up finding him nowhere and he didn’t sleep last night, not on the bed at least b/c he’s too noisy and he cant come and go without waking me up.

There was no sign of him, no sign of A and his baby brother been staying with p.b. since he popped his cherry. There was this suitcase on the floor with half of K’s clothes covered with some of mine and then left there as if he’d changed his mind that is so much like K.

He had his player stuck to the mirror with a note of “listen to me” carefully written with shaving cream and fingers. This is the song

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

54

Explanation of your IQ

You are extremely intelligent. At your high level of intelligence the IQ test is not very reliable anymore. However, we can reliably say that you are at least in the top 2% of the population in terms of intelligence. The top 2%, are generally classified as “highly gifted”. People who have an IQ of over 140 are classified as geniuses.

and this wasnt mine, it was K’s. I decided not to take it in case some dark secrets are revealed

you can take it here

53

How long does it take you trust someone? how long does it take you to love someone? how long does it take you to share all your feelings and thoughts? how long does it take you to decide you want to play on your own?

I know this is my second marriage and if i was that perfect I should had stayed in the same first marriage but I wasn’t the one ruining the nine years of a marriage, I never cheated on anyone and cheating is not all about the sex, it’s about keeping secrets. We promised to share everything then why K thinks he can have some secret stuff for his own.

I know he’s a lot better than me, he’s the smart boy with the IQ a lot higher than normal, a lot higher than me (and it’s obvious when you have to deal with little A), I know he had his perfect family, I know the brothers fight a lot but when it comes to family they are one hell of brothers ready to give up anything to make the other one happy, I know K has more money than I know and I dont want him to share it with me but I expect him to tell me what he is up to. I’m worried about him, I care about him and he calls me possessive. I so much love him and want him to be happy, I thought he would be happier in a smaller town with no gay friends and less chance of being attracted to another guy b/c I want him for myself.

I thought if he has a job with less responsibilities and less stress he can control his moods.

Apparently I was wrong, he’s a city boy and hates being stuck in a secluded place like here, he wants his parties, his bars, his gyms, his friends, his random flirts, his lustful kisses, his dirty touches, his grandma, ….

I feel so outcast in what he likes yet I want him to be happy b/c I cant live without him even when he rips my heart with his bitter words. I think he knows where I am comfortable and where I’m not. As much as he wants to be close to his family, I want to be close to my sister and it’s so selfish of him saying she can come with us and start a new life when she has her life here and enjoys every second of it, why his brothers move here and find a new life?

I’m gonna help him pack whatever he needs but I will make sure he wont do anything to the house, if WE decided to stay in his big city then WE try to put it for rent.